Melt Down
Luckily it wasn't in front of my students, but it was pretty touch and go for a bit. I was able to get out of the school at lunch and have a few tears in the car. But this is not good. I can blame that my health is terrible and has been for months. I can say that my students are a particularly needy group, which they are. I can consider that the stretch from Christmas to March break is always the toughest.
But the truth is: I am seriously considering whether or not teaching is the right thing for me to do. That scares me to death, as 48 is a difficult time to consider yet another career change. But today, I felt like I was a terrible teacher. Truly terrible. I hate feeling like that. I want to be a teacher who makes a difference to my students. But lately, I feel like they will only remember me as the mean, grumpy one.
Grant thinks I should teach a younger grade. I think I need to try library or full time special education support. But either of those options means getting my portfolio up to date, booking interviews and shining like a star. Quite honestly, I don't know how I can muster up the energy to do anything well, much less manage to shine.
*sigh*
But the truth is: I am seriously considering whether or not teaching is the right thing for me to do. That scares me to death, as 48 is a difficult time to consider yet another career change. But today, I felt like I was a terrible teacher. Truly terrible. I hate feeling like that. I want to be a teacher who makes a difference to my students. But lately, I feel like they will only remember me as the mean, grumpy one.
Grant thinks I should teach a younger grade. I think I need to try library or full time special education support. But either of those options means getting my portfolio up to date, booking interviews and shining like a star. Quite honestly, I don't know how I can muster up the energy to do anything well, much less manage to shine.
*sigh*
posted by allison | 8:53 PM
5 Comments:
I don't have experience as a teacher, just as the student of burned-out teachers, so take this opinion with as much salt as you need.
I think that your committment and enthusiasm for the job is one of the most important things you can bring to teaching. If you're starting to feel burned out then for your own sanity and that of your students perhaps a change is in order. Don't think of it as a career change. I mean, you can come back to teaching if you still want to, and once you've been away long enough to remember why you liked it. Perhaps you could think of it as a sabbatical.
Stop the ride, get off and then get back on, if you find you still want to ride that ride.
What about taking a year out (call it a chance to refresh skills, learn new ones, a career building year)? People in other careers take time out to further themselves, why not teachers?
[hugs]
You sound really tired right now, physically and mentally. So, the thought of doing something extra on top of what you've got on your plate (even if it means doing something you'd like better) can be overwhelming... and exhausting just to think about.
I don't have any answers (as only you know what'll make you happiest in the long run), but I totally get where you're at.
My main problem with the profession is that there's not enough praise for good work given to teachers. You are a good teacher.
That said, I agree with the others that a change might do you good in the long term.
Allison, I think library is the way to go for you! I say that because I know you as your sister and I know that your love (and incredible knowledge) of literature would do you in good stead. You would thrive, thrive, thrive in it! I also say that because I know how much I have loved researching books for Adam to read, reliving my favorite childhood books through his eyes, and learning about new ones through him as well. It is one of the greatest joys I have as a parent (and a book lover). You, my dear sister, would be even better at it!
Consider it.
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